Kachhe Din were not so Achhe Din

To all those perplexed with the title, kachhe means underpants in Hindi. And with Kachhe Din I actually mean ones childhood days.  Yes! I am indeed saying that adulthood is better in many ways than childhood. Caveat: My definition of adulthood is when you are making your own money, you are well settled with spouse and kids and you have a positive tick to most milestones to be achieved at your age. I am not counting old age here, as that is past adulthood. That age is dull hood.

We all know the famous Jagjit Singh ghazal where he sang:

 “Yeh daulat bhi lelo, yeh shauhrat bhi lelo, bhale chheen lo mujhse meri jawaani, magar mujhko lautado bachpan ka sawaan, wo kagaaz ki kashti, wo baarish ka paani”

Fine! he may take the kashti, I shall still take the paani. I mean fermented water( read alcohol). See the first perk of growing up!!!

But on a serious note, I say this out of my own experience of growing up and by observation around us. Let us break some myths of why it was not so much fun being a kid.

Myth no 1: No Responsibility

Everyone loves to say that. Oh Come-on! The child from a very young age grows on the pile of expectations of their elders. Do this, do that, don’t do this, don’t do that. The values, culture, traditions, rules and a myriad of more such mono syllabic instructions all of which are a child’s “responsibility” to follow. So many struggles; such a tiny and fickle mind. My son today on being instructed to do something retorts back by saying “India got independence from the British in 1947, but I am still a slave, India is free, but I am not independent” Yes, I foresee him becoming a dialogue writer when he grows up.

I am better off now growing up and having the limited (yes I think they are limited) responsibilities of making moolah and tending to the family.  Hell !!! All you need to be able to do is afford some maids, find out some engagement activities for the kids, plan holidays, dinners, keep your spouse interested in the marriage and so on so forth. And most of the things mentioned can be taken care off by just one thing ‘money’. So the sole responsibility only appears is to make more money. Now Go Figure.

Myth no 2: School Days were so good

What was so good about studying so many subjects and so many topics? Carrying such heavy bags? I am yet to understand why and how finding out the empty space in a cube of 22 cm diameter, apparently filled with spherical marbles of 0.5 cm occupying 1/8 space in it, could have helped me in my life? Or why studying, dissecting different body parts of a cockroach be it the thorax, abdomen, alimentary canal or some intestine would help me. I am still after all these years, afraid of them. Clearly, cutting them on the dissection table hasn’t helped. Or why was it earth shatteringly important to remember history dates? How did it help me in my life knowing when Tipu Sultan died, married or had a baby?? I would be better off studying how to manage life, how to build and develop healthy relationships, how to manage finances, how to be emotionally strong, none of which are covered in any of the book curriculums.

I am better off now as an adult reading books I want to, browse as much internet as possible without having parents coaxing and chiding us to stop. Also for most men, being a couch potato in front of the TV after a hectic day at work looks as well-deserved as tiny Pappu earning a lollypop every time he has allowed Mommy dear some peaceful shopping at the mall.

Myth no.3: We had so many friends

No dear!! What you had as a child was an illusion. An illusion, that everyone who we spoke to and played with was our friend. Real friends were always far and few. You must thank adulthood which does the reality check. I remember being hurt many a times by the behaviour of my so called best friend. The whole world thought we were best of friends. Uff the pressure……to maintain the illusion. We carried on the pretence for very many years. It took half of my school life and my entire college life to break free of that misconception. Today, we are as good as two strangers and I know who my real friends are. And yes, I am lucky to have more than one real friend. And trust me even if you have one real friend, God has been kind.

Myth no 4: You enjoy Life as a Child

Think about it, as a toddler, you were struggling to walk. On watching your older peers, you then wished to run. When you were in the primary school, you admired the grown up secondary kids and wanted to be like them. When in secondary, you craved for the glamour of college life. When in college, you were already dreaming of a corporate life; the time when you start minting money. But!!! Mind you!!! Now that you are working, making your own money, you DON’T WANT TO GROW OLD.

This ‘in your face’ fact is that none of us want to grow old.  Ahhh! that grey hair, well…. I am not talking about the salt pepper look which men like to keep with the idea of impressing the fairer sex. But seriously, how many want to grow old to welcome weaker knees, body aches, lose dentures and hundreds of other ailments which the dullhood brings along. Hence my limited conclusion is that, NOW is the time when you will actually enjoy life as you are not looking forward to go the next stage!!!

Yes you enjoyed troubling teacher in schools but do you know you still trouble your colleagues alas without realising. One thing I cannot deny though is the fun playing out in parks and grounds, something which this generation is anyways fast forgetting no thanks to the smart phones and gaming gadgets. I rather be an adult clued on to that gadget than being a small kid doing the same. That is more shameful.

Myth No 5: It was a carefree time

How was it carefree??? Of course we are not talking here about earning bread and butter, managing the household or work etc., but childhood had so much to care about. And also everything that a  child cares about is inadvertently and life savingly important at that age too. A child cares to buy so many things, but does not have the means to do so. They see their friends with fancy gadgets, cool toys and more often than not end up demanding things only to hear a big “NO”.  See how they care to have a good time too. I come from a North Indian household, where men in the family often sit together for a rendezvous over drinks, sometimes the women join in too. The look on my children’s faces at times is “Why on earth can’t I have that thing you are having?” One more reason they surely care to grow up. I remember growing up to so many wants which were repeatedly refused, restrained in the name of discipline and so many other middle class values; also some were simply beyond means. Wonder then if we really can term such a life carefree from a child’s perspective. Add to this the fact, that today’s kids are so bogged down with being the perfect child for their parents; where he/she should apart from school work, know how to swim, dance, play some instrument, learn shlokas, pursue some sport and blah. Where is the carefree time?

Cessation of my Observation

What we now reminiscence so fondly is not just the joy of childhood but we grow up to appreciate and be thankful for all the succumbed wishes, unfulfilled desires and superfluously painful memories of not having received all that we want. We now realise how it has helped us shape into better and well reasoning adults. Iron can only be casted into desired shapes when it is hot and molten; Clay can only be moulded when wet and muddled. Grown-ups can only thrive with the right kind of upbringing which needs a fair amount of rough exposure as a child.

There is an English idiom “Keeping up with the Joneses” which is so prevalent in the developed and the upper strata of the world. I see it fast catching up in the middle and lower echelons of our society too. It means comparison of one’s social and economic class with the others. I belong to a generation, where most of us and my friend’s parents were never under such severe pressure to ‘Keep up with the Joneses’. Now, increasingly though I notice that we, if not for ourselves, atleast want our kids to keep up with their Joneses. Don’t we desire the best for them?

But in doing so, somewhere we are giving them an extremely, protective, cushioned and shaded childhood. These children may actually grow up to realise that their childhood life was really better than adulthood. But that is not how it is meant to be. Childhood is meant to be rough and tough. IT BETTER BE TOUGH